I’m Natalie and I’m a recovering do-aholic
This past week and this weekend especially, I am uncomfortably coming to terms with the part of myself still addicted to busyness. As many of you know, my journey from doing (aka workaholism) to being started after three years of non-stop working in my profession as a journalist. Nearly 15 years later, humbling as it may be to share, I am still shifting out of the grip of workaholism - even after consciously changing jobs, building a spiritual routine into my mornings, joining a healing circle and integrating other new lifestyle habits into regular living. Workaholism is a subtle yet stubborn trait.
At the start of Covid, bestselling writer and celebrated Harvard/MIT Physicist, Alan Lightman, shared this powerful perspective about our current unsustainable pace of life in this recent-ish piece worth a read in The Atlantic (which you’ll likely locate in audio form somewhere if you’re like me because you’ll feel more productive cleaning the kitchen or going for a run while also listening.)
Ugh...this is a hard piece of honesty to write and share.
But, maybe you need to hear it from me.
And, what I’m learning more and more, is that I need to be uncomfortably honest with others to help them see that growth is possible for them too.
The uncomfortable truth is, even becoming a mindful coach and mindfulness teacher still won’t stop me from the non-stop, go-go-go busy-body, race/rush through the day. I’ve certainly made major strides from my 12-hr shifts and daily food court curry dinners, but the final steps of these change journeys always feel like trudging through heaps of wet snow.
...like this weekend.
Little time for me to get to my work because of lots of beautiful time spent outdoors with the kids and some delicious laziness with my husband.
In my heart, I feel full and rested after these last two days.
In my brain, I feel restless, irritable and unsatisfied.
As a creative type, I know there’s always going to be a part of me longing for my solitude so that I can write, imagine and connect the dots in magical ways. It’s who I am and who I’ve been since I was a kid.
But the addiction to working and busying is something different.
The addiction to doing will take you into the late hours of the evening after the household sleeps and have you abandon your beloved exercise routine for the short-lived satisfaction of responding to every last one email in your inbox.
Despite growing awareness around the repercussions of workaholism, can we all agree that this obsession and subsequent anxiety around doing/rushing is still viewed as perfectly normal in the mainstream?
But, is it normal to get a mere five hours of sleep on the regular?
Is it normal to eat breakfast for dinner (aka cereal) as a quick solution despite knowing that it causes you G.I. regret?
Is it normal to book five back-to-back meetings without really factoring in time for parking, bathroom breaks, travel and a meal?
This was me pre-Covid.
But, let me tell you, when you get a face rash in the second week of Covid which is finally only improving after seven months of lifestyle changes...you learn what’s normal and what isn’t.
I recognize that we all have different normals and thresholds for busyness and I have the privilege here to choose my workload amount and sleep hours. Many of us, my husband included, don't have this luxury.
In my case, the busyness has become a dubious luxury.
Today, as a coach to other purpose-driven moms, my focus is to truly help these moms reclaim their own self-nurturing and, through this process, to help them expand their sometimes limited definition of success. This sometimes means (gulp) working less hours and earning less income, releasing attachment to striving at work and, prioritizing the deeply nurturing practices we require to feel healthy in place of getting one.more.thing.done.
Today, I prioritize the following FOUR habits (still with discomfort, I might add) which help me put limits on my doing:
Night time shut down. In bed by 10pm. No excuses. I’ve been doing this for the last few months. Hugely liberating. I usually take a big hot bath which has become a beautiful ritual I now don’t want to do without. The bath communicates “bedtime” to my body in a very deliberate way.
Under-prepare. Covid forced me to under prepare before client calls and group sessions. With no support at home while my husband worked in the ER and two young eagerly needing stimulation, I simply didn’t have the time to prepare the way I used to. More importantly, I didn’t want to prepare the way I thought I had to to feel OK. I have struggled much of my life with this belief: I’m not prepared enough. Walking into school exams, job interviews and competitive story meetings - this nagging narrative of not being prepared enough led to so much unnecessary anxiety and self-doubt. Thank you Covid for the blessing of under preparing. The payoff: I dig deeper into my intuition now in my work and my clients receive a more confident and grounded coach vs. someone second guessing themselves and their impact.
Be brave in your most intimate relationships. Since Covid, I’ve found the courage to own my wants, fears and desires with my husband in a deeper and more vulnerable way. The thought “what do I have to lose” really supports me when I dive into this uncomfortable zone of heartfelt communication. The risk of not sharing with him feels greater now to me than the risk of sharing. It starts with putting your hand on your heart and speaking from that place.
Join a circle. If you are a thoughtful person like me who longs for deeper understanding, meaning and connection -- then I believe it is critical to be part of some sort of healing, non-judgmental community. This is my motivation behind creating The MoMentum Circle and I would love to connect with you more on how this experience may support you and your own growth.