Badge of Honour
Eighteen years ago, I walked into a damp, fluorescently-lit church basement with one goal in mind: to feel less fat.
I had been carrying fifty extra pounds for at least ten years, I couldn't go a day without overeating to soothe my anxiety, I hated my body and I hated how out of control I felt around food.
"When I'm thin, then I'll be happy" was the 50 lb belief I carried throughout every waking hour of my day.
And beneath that: "I'll never be in a body I love."
Whoah. That feels harsh to revisit right now. But it was the truth. I truly COULD NOT imagine ever not feeling fat. And, fat for me meant unworthy.
Unworthy of deep love, of abundance, of success, of joy, of living in a place where fear and worry weren't my main drivers. I was hooked to the belief that “I'll never be” was the safe place for me.
I’ll never be in a loving, next-level romantic relationship…
I’ll never earn my full worth doing work I love…
I’ll never be able to prioritize my health and wellbeing in the way I deeply want to…
These were my unconscious daily mantras.
In that church basement, surrounded by other like minded people who understood deeply in their own way what it felt like to struggle with such a deeply limiting belief, I experienced the most radical shift of my lifetime: I learned to love the body I was in.
Through regular connection with likeminded others, daily practice and support, I began to experience something I never knew was possible for me when it came to body image: Hope. And I didn’t achieve this through dieting, struggle and hustle. I did it from a place of clarifying my deep want, trusting a process and getting daily support. I knew I couldn’t go it alone - I’d tried that for 10 years and it didn’t work.
From that initial spark of hope, everything transformed.
• The extra worry weight I was carrying came off effortlessly and I began to inhabit my new healthy self in such a way that I felt worthy of it
• I began dating with joy and ease, connecting emotionally and spiritually (not from a performative place) with those who loved me for my authenticity and my values
• I gained the courage and confidence to apply for scholarships, big jobs and contests from a place of knowing I was good enough to be a contender.
In this present moment, these transformations keep happening...with my family, my income, my friendships, etc.
My mindset went from its former fixed-setting of fear and negativity to a new setting of seeing positivity and possibility.
Do you want this for yourself? Do you want to know how I did this?
Today, I wear my body like a badge of honour because it’s an example to me and to others that transformation is possible. Because I went from the impossible to the possible. Because I went from a place of shame and self-loathing about my body and self-worth to a place of genuinely owning and loving my unique body with joy and ease.
Today, I wear my body like a badge of honour because it’s a reminder to me that with courage, confidence and commitment, I can shift out of whatever limiting belief prison which I believed I’d never escape.
My body is my badge of honour because it shows me every single day that I can transform whatever fixed and limiting belief I have.
If you take anything away from this story, take this:
We can completely decouple ourselves from the self-fulfilling beliefs which we currently believe to be fixed.
My fixed belief was: "I will always be fat and will always hate my body."
I no longer feel that way. I have been in a healthy body for nearly 20 years and my relationship with food is peaceful, abundant, nurturing.
That I was able to shift out of that belief and way of living gave me the HOPE that anything is possible.
Anything is possible.
If you are inspired by what I shared and you are ready for a transformation in your own worth, work and wellbeing, I am here to support you.
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