helpful haunt

How this moment haunts to help me

There is one singular thing which haunts me more than anything else – and I’m sure many parents reading this might feel the same way.

It’s hard to describe this thing but I’ll try: it’s the fear of missing those magic moments where we are truly being with our kids.  Where we put aside our devices, our inner hurry, our judgments of what our kids “should” be doing in that moment - and we simply allow ourselves to soak in the ease and beauty of being together.

Right now, my two boys are six and eight years old.  They are still in that cute phase and they still want cuddles. But they are also now able to share deep, thoughtful ideas and stories with me. 

It’s a great stage to be in as a parent.

On a pretty regular basis, I say to my younger one: show me your eyeballs. Because, when we pause to connect deeply and he looks at me with those big, clear, round eyes - my world stops and all I feel is infinite love. 

When my kids ask me to come under the covers with them at bedtime and I allow myself to put aside my inner just-get-one-more-thing-done hurry, something shifts.  I allow myself to feel their warmth and their breath. They relax, and I relax. And we sail into a sea together of infinite love.  Where nothing else matters.  And, in that moment, my worries and not-enoughs are no more.

Our world, our lives, our work has gotten so busy.  

I see this with the amazing women I coach.  There is a breathlessness to our lives - hurrying and hustling from one task to the next, one achievement to another, one “just this one more thing” to the next.

And, when we finally slow down to get quiet and listen deeply, one thing haunts us more than anything else: not giving ourselves the gift and the time to be with our kids.

And so, many of us don’t want to slow down, don’t want to get quiet and be with that haunt. It’s too uncomfortable. Instead - we distract and self-medicate with more work, more busyness, Netflix, social media, food, alcohol, drugs.
Clients almost defiantly defend that they don’t have time for coaching, for daily practice, for gratitude lists. I wonder what they would say if I asked them how much time they unconsciously spend on social media, how much money they spend a month on impulse online purchases, how much energy is spent “filling the void” which they don’t want to see or feel.

I know this pattern because I lived it and suffered from it for many years before I made a decision to show up for myself in a different way.  

If you are wanting to show up for yourself in a different way, then I am here to help you.

Book a free consult with me or sign up for this week’s Mindset Reset week where I’ll guide you to experience ease and flow in all areas of your life.

These past few weeks have been challenging me.

I’m expanding in my work. 
It’s exciting, it’s energizing and I feel that I’m truly honouring my whole potential as a leader, coach and human.

Through the holidays, there were many hours and days where I was deeply immersed in work which meant that I wasn’t with my kids.  And, when I was with them, I felt preoccupied and less present than I wanted to be.  And this feeling of not fully being with my kids haunted me. 

Things shifted for me in a single moment yesterday. I chose differently.

I had a plan to drop the kids off with extended family or friends so that I, just as my partner spends a full day at work, could have the space to do the same.  But nothing was working out for childcare.  And so, I was at a place of choice.  I could choose to close the door in my office, leave my kids on screens and ignore the mom guilt and that haunting feeling.  

Or, I could choose a different way.  

I paused. I felt the unease in my body.  I listened deeply.

And then the next steps became clear. And I chose a different way.

Together, the kids and I made a plan.

There would be a movie, an outing to buy art supplies, and a game to be played.

We laughed at dinner and cuddled before bed.

I found the space, time and energy to get more than enough work done.

My kids felt seen and supported.

And I ended my day feeling deeply grateful for giving myself the gift of deep connection with my kids.  

All because I chose to pause, listen deeply, and take the next right step.

Photo: Alex Neary