good enough: part 1

i’m not prepared enough

this thought is an ulcer
that burns deep inside

an involuntary fire
i’ve taught myself
since childhood
to feed

despite my deepest wish 
to stamp it out
i still feel it
smouldering
deep inside
using me up

every test, every time on stage
interview, project, flight
the same sore starting point
i’m not prepared enough

them damn words, unwillingly fuelling me forward
toxic

after all the work we’ve done, all the progress
we still walk around with this deep inner self-lack

who are we not to feel prepared enough?  
not to feel worthy?
not to contribute? 

today, i practice good enough
it is my song, my fuel, my spirit