why focus on the fun?

When we focus on the fun, we find fun in the focus
(Listen to Natalie read the Blog HERE)

You know when you keep seeing a word or theme come up over and over and again - and in a matter of time it's like “Ok universe. Yeah…I got it!” 

So, this has been happening for me lately around this word, fun. 

This past weekend marked our 10-year anniversary - my parents generously took the kids so that we could head up north and enjoy one night away with each other. 

And I could feel the pressure of: “It's our 10-year anniversary!  We have to make it really special.” 

And, you know, all the shoulds: we should splurge on the cost, we should do something really unique.

And then, lo and behold, there came this word fun again. 

Let it be fun.  Let it be easy. 

My word for 2023 was supposed to be focus, people.

Focus!

And now I’m getting this very clear communication from the great Editor-in-Chief - aka universe - telling me: No, Natalie.  Your word is fun.  What you need to focus on is the fun.

This recently came up in a session with my coach as I was experiencing overwhelm around some marketing materials I was about to put out there.

She clearly could sense my intensity and seriousness.
“What would it be like to make this light and fun?” she asked.

“Imagine yourself dancing barefoot as you put out those marketing messages”.

What???

At first, when I heard this, I was like: “What’s fun got to do with it?”

Fun is flakey.  Fun will not get me results.  I need focus, not fun.

Then, something clicked for me.

The part of me that tells me to be hyper focused, to be more serious - this is my wolf in sheep's clothing.  And that wolf is my hyper-achiever. My hyper achiever is my chief saboteur: the inner critic who fools me to believe that the hyper-achieving is protecting me, even though it is actually sabotaging my growth.  

We all have these growth-limiting parts of ourselves which are so deeply ingrained in how we operate.  Our saboteurs - and there are ten of them - come from a survival part of our neuro-wiring.  The saboteur work is part of what I lead clients through in our early days working together.  There’s an assessment and an App and it’s all very…fun.

So, the thing is that we all have some combo of these saboteurs operating in our backend.  There’s the People Pleaser, the Hyper Vigilant, the Stickler, the Avoider, etc.

Paradoxically, these parts of ourselves are also our superpowers.  

Those with a high People Pleaser are incredibly intuitive and emotionally intelligent.  People want them in meetings just because of the energy they bring to a room.

And those with a high Hyper Vigilant are our guardians - they are our doctors, risk-analysis professionals.  They keep us safe and they can feel very fulfilled in their work when operating from this gift they have.

It’s just that too much of this good thing can show up when we are feeling stretched, stressed or…also, paradoxically, when we are moving towards something which we actually desire for ourselves.

As a Hyper Achiever - my gifts are that I am persistent, I am focused and dedicated, I like to put myself out there doing things like TV interviews and speaking to large groups of people in ways that others would shy away from.

But my Hyper Achiever can also hijack me from experiencing fulfillment and joy and ease - because the Hyper Achiever never sleeps! The Hyper Achiever can always feel like it needs to prove itself to get validation, be creating and putting something out there.
The Hyper Achiever can sabotage me because I can be so in my tactical left brain of “I need to do this now or else” that I end up bypassing the fulfillment that comes from joy and fun.

You can even imagine the energy of being in Hyper Achiever overdrive - tighten up your face and your arms and your whole body. How can you move forward from a place of stiffness and rigidity?

Slowly, this word fun has begun to take on a whole different dimension and meaning for me over the last number of weeks.
And, like I said, it’s just been showing up over and over and over…in the daily messages I read in my meditation book, in conversations with colleagues and, last week, in my kids saying “mom, will you take us skating to Christie Pits” and so there I was wearing my husband's hockey skates and off we went.

Here's the neat thing: There's science to back this otherwise fluffy concept of fun.

Saying yes to fun helps us move from our left survival brain to our right brain where imagination, creativity and emotional intelligence lives. 

When I can authentically get onboard with fun, I access these other capacities of ease, flow, laser-focused action.  I access empathy, innovation and a deep desire to move forward.

And then, from this place of ease and flow where I'm allowing myself to be in joy and lightness comes a different kind of willingness and capacity to move forward in certain areas where I might feel stuck.  

When I’m in Hyper Achiever overdrive, it’s hard to squeeze any creativity out of that place. 

It’s been interesting for me to see what’s shifting for me as I invite in this energy of fun these last few weeks.  

Some of my deepest wants are starting to happen.

I am feeling more connected on a deep level every day with my kids.

My boys aren’t bickering as much with each other. I know that it’s normal for kids to fight but ohhh, what a relief this break as been from that!

And, I’m taking action on those to-do list items which I otherwise would keep postponing and feeling guilty for not moving on.

So, as a parting prompt, I'm inviting you to consider this question:

When I become willing to connect with the fun and lightness in myself, what shifts for me?

And, here’s another prompt: 

When I connect with fun and lightness, what’s one thing I’m ready to let go of and what’s one thing I’m ready to let in?

I’d love to hear what came up for you listening to this and contemplating these prompts.

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Photo: Jen Squires Photography