the “just” trap

Why I’m just not that into doing this anymore
(Listen to Natalie read the Blog HERE)

This morning, as I excitedly prepared for the local yoga class I’ve come to treasure, I did the thing I’m beginning to see is part of a bigger pattern. I “just” ified.

“I’m just gonna head to yoga class now but I’ll unload the dishes first and be home in an hour” I whispered to my husband who was still waking up.

Then, despite my intention to get to class early enough to secure a spot, I rushed downstairs and hurriedly unloaded the dishwasher.

What?

I was feeling a little bit guilty for leaving the cozy family cocoon of husband and kids on a sunny Sunday morning – all to do something for me. And so, I automatically shifted into justification and compensation mode.

Oh, the subtle yet self-sabotaging just.

No one was opposed to me attending yoga. Even my kids were like, “ok mom” when I let them know I was heading out for an hour.  Instead of leaving with adequate time to park and settle onto my mat, I created my own mini drama of mom hastily unloading dishwasher before rushing all the way to the studio.  

Sound familiar?

There was no crisis, nothing to ask permission for, nothing to compensate for - but I unconsciously created a circumstance of “drama” because I felt uneasy.  

And, what did I feel uneasy about? Giving myself something I love.

Pause…because this may be true for you too.

Giving myself something I love feels uncomfortable. 

I’ve come a long way. There was a time when I didn’t even know what I wanted, let alone have the capacity to articulate it.

And yet, today, I still notice how I self-sabotage myself from receiving the things which I desire most.

Today, despite now knowing what I want and how to go after it, I still have deeply ingrained patterns which predate my birth (!) and require consistent rewiring. 

Today, I’m much more compassionate and patient with this process.  

And this compassion gives me the clarity to better see my growth.

Like this morning: Instead of judging myself for compensating with the dishwasher, I celebrated the fact that I got out for my class. There was a not-so-distant time for me when leaving my family to go to yoga on a weekend was but a distant dream.   Today it felt pretty effortless to go!  That’s progress!

This is the work I courageously coach my clients through.

Together, we identify your deepest wants, we notice the unique ways that you self-sabotage your success and then we build the new mindset wiring for you to override your old destructive ways of thinking and acting.  

Want to feel less hijacked by the hustling and overdoing you do in a day?  We address this together.

Want to feel that you are building practices and plans in your week to grow your long term desires?  We do this together.

Want to feel confident and clear about how you would like to show up in your day, at work, in your relationships? We do this together.

Here’s my one challenge for you this week:

Notice when you use the word “just”.

Notice it in your emails, in your conversations.  

And, most importantly, notice when you say “just” to yourself.

“I’m just gonna go on Instagram for a few minutes…”

Or, “I’m just gonna have one cookie.”  

We both know where those justs lead.

For this moment, let yourself notice and then bring compassion.

For this moment, choose differently.

Change happens incrementally, one different choice at a time.

Photography: Melanie Gordon