hearing the creative call

beneath the discomfort lives the gift

I spent this past weekend with 25 strangers on a meditation retreat along Louborough Lake, in Eastern Ontario. Retreats often feel rocky for me at the start but, in the end, they almost always reveal and heal those sharp edges that first appear.

Yesterday morning, struggling through the 20-minute guided meditation practice, I decided to follow my intuition and take a break from the group activities. The meditation had brought up all kinds of discomfort in me - I felt hot, nauseous, irritable and judgmental all at once. Deep down, something was being stirred and it needed space to come out.

I took my notebook down to the lake, its waters calm and bright with morning sun. I sat under the shade of a large acorn tree where porcupines gently scuffled in the leaves above, occasionally knocking nuts to the ground. I fixed my gaze onto the soft flowing lake and I began to write. I let the words flow. And soon, I wept. I understood. That temporary restlessness revealed itself to me in words.

Here’s what was revealed to me:

This is all mine.
This is all ours.
But I don’t want it your way because I get sick of it, from it.
I get sick of me.

When I speed up, I feel criminal, breathless.
When I slow down, I am lost.
I want to feel generous and holy.
But instead I am empty, sticky.

I remember so little about who I am sometimes.
I want the lake to call me, hold me, soften me, move me.

I can pull back from the heavy current of not enough -
And feel the fullness of the sacred that is me, in me, around me.

I am at the precipice.
I am known by god.
I am seen by her, felt by her, loved by her.

It’s already enough. I’ve already done enough.
Can I be the me that I’ve already become?
How can I be the me that I’ve already become?

I’m so thankful that I listened to that intuitive nudge in meditation and took that solo time by the lake. It was a highlight of my weekend. It felt so healing to write poetry in that moment of struggle and it wouldn’t have happened if I stayed in judgment, if I didn’t trust that something wanted to be revealed.

I love how my friend Nikki Leigh McKean speaks about accessing her creativity.
In my upcoming episode of A Success Of Our Own, I speak with the photographer, restaurateur, two-time cancer survivor and coach about her creative process. Nikki lives in the radical land of “full body yes” and she shares how we can integrate a positive mindset into our own lives. You can follow or subscribe to my podcast here and be the first to receive Nikki’s episode when it drops Tuesday morning.

As you may have observed, I am in the process of owning my own version of success - vulnerably, in front of you. I am beginning to see that this process itself is my service to you: to reveal firsthand how we can move through discomfort with self-compassion. Despite my fear of being judged as not polished, incomplete or scattered, I know that my greater responsibility is to pull up the curtain and reveal the wizard.

And now, I’m sharing my transformative process in my FREE MasterClass: Built for Sustainable Success.

I'll teach you the evidence-based practices to build a Success Of Your Own. You'll feel more clear, calm and confident about your next steps.What do you have to lose? Maybe some unnecessary worry/overwhelm.

WHEN: Tues Oct 10 and Wed Oct 11 from 12-1pm EST.
WHAT: Practical, Inspiring, Transformative
WHY: Nothing changes if nothing changes.